Love at last!! Ronald found it. Instinctively he knew he would never let go. Not of his own volition. It was pure magic that pumped through his veins. He knew he could explain it away by a heightened sense of endorphins being released into his brain. But it was pure magic.
He kept to his stance that he would never place anything before his sobriety, but he was the master manipulator. She quickly grew weary of his long hours at work and his time spent in AA. Going to meetings, service work, meeting sponsees and sponsors. He couldn’t give up the money. It was the one thing that told the world he was not a loser. Eventually he cut back on his meetings. After all, attending every day and sometimes twice a day was an overkill. Especially now that he had the love of his life. Now that he had a life.
He’d grown into a busy person. It wasn’t long before he attended his homegroup only. And as far as keeping accountable with his sponsor, what was the point? He knew what his sponsor would tell him. Get to more meetings. Don’t backslide. He didn’t need a phone call to tell him that.
One morning before work he spotted her opened purse laying on the kitchen counter. He noticed a prescription bottle and examined more closely as he wasn’t aware that she was taking any medication regularly. Opiates. Pain medication. A full bottle and dated several months prior. Which means she didn’t take them regularly yet kept them in her purse.
He removed 5 pills from the bottle, totally unnoticeable. He washed them down with water and went to work. 30 minutes later he felt the narcotics rise in his head. It was a beautiful feeling. A spiritual experience. But shortly afterwards they began to wear off, leaving only a dull emptiness. It was then he realized that he had totally lost all of his sobriety. But only if anyone else knew. Which they would not.
He continued to go to meetings and act as if nothing had changed. He spoke with powerful conviction at meetings and always felt a vast emptiness afterwards. He found no comfort in meetings. It was a game of show and tell.
It was his first time back into the liquor store in what seemed like a lifetime. A moderately priced fifth of vodka. Home alone he had his first drink of alcohol in a very long time. He waited for the magic feeling of the alcohol rising in his head. He wasn’t disappointed, but the feeling was fleeting. Soon afterwards he found a blackened oblivion. A few days later he woke from a black out sleep. The job was gone. She was gone. He was along. Again
Rabid Squirrel Refuge 